Two Wrongs. No Rights.

In the office today. One of the residents stopped in with her three little boys. I would guess the ages to be around 3, 1 1/2 and a newborn. Her hands were full, literally, as she held her newborn the entire time. I had sent out a "pink slip" regarding their utilities, and she was wondering if it would be ok to pay the next week, as her fiancee would be getting paid that Tuesday. I told her that as long as a payment would be coming in, next Tuesday would be fine.

She had a few more questions, though. As she explained her situation, she tried to corral her older boys as they acted their age. Currently, they rent their house, but a root is working its way into their underground pipes and causing water problems. She questioned whether this should be their expense, or if it is the responsibility of the owner. She was unsure of the cost, but stated that they had already paid for a temporary fix, which is why they were behind on their bills. She knew a permanent repair would not be cheap. I told her that it would be the responsibility of the owner. She figured that, but said that the owner never returned her calls. We talked about this a bit more, then she brought up a house they had signed a contract for deed for. I already knew about this situation. The owner of the house, they are purchasing never, paid his utility bill, so we turned the water off. Somehow, the water was turned back on before winter, the pipes froze and broke, and then hundreds of thousands of gallons of water ran into the basement. This resulted in a huge water bill, which the owner is responsible for. But, he never told this couple that. And, the taxes are behind, which he'd said he'd paid. I let her know that I would think that due to his neglect of relaying this information to them, or his outright lie if he said everything was taken care of, would be grounds for contract termination. She was going to look into it. She gathered up her little ones and left the office.

Now, all of this doesn't really involve me. Aside from the current payment due on their utility bill. But, I feel bad, all the same. I feel bad that this young family has to deal with people who are less than honest or ethical. People that aren't willing to do their part. People that make is so much harder for others. People who create defeat for others who weren't aware they were playing some twisted game.

What can be done? As far as I can see, this couple should be able to get out of their contract. The owner should be liable for the damage. Will it happen? Will fairness win? My current outlook on humanity is pretty bleak, so I'm leaning towards no. But, maybe I'll be wrong. Maybe the wrongs will be righted. Maybe, just maybe, the right things will be done in each situation. C'mon humanity. Prove me wrong about you. Please.

Easing Back In...

I need a creative outlet. And my jewelry/candle/woodwork making efforts have been fruitless, thus far. I guess you would actually have to plant a seed, in order to bear fruit, but that's neither here nor there right now. So, back to writing it is. I know how to do it. I just don't ever take the time to do it. And, really, who's reading anyway?

As I now work from home a majority of the time, I rarely interact with people over the age of 3 or of the non-feline persuasion. Although that relationship is toxic and strained. She's an asshole, and she holds forth that the feeling is mutual. But, she needs me for food, so I hold the proverbial ace card (not trump card, because the very word gets my blood pressure up).

So, bottom line: I hope to at least put words to virtual paper quite a bit more than I have in the past few years. But, I'm not holding my breath. Nor should you. I'm an erratic writer at best, or possible just lazy. Whatever floats your boat.

Right now, I'm going to go float my boat with a glass of wine. It's 5 o' clock. It's North Dakota. To quote an old Budweiser tagline, it's what we do.

Later taters.

Rock-A-Bye

I don't know when the precise moment actually occurred. I'm not sure how I missed it. But, at some point in time, Sofia got too big for my lap. At one point, I could rock her in my chair, my arms around her, nose in her hair, breathing her in. Then, in a blink, we didn't both fit in the rocking chair anymore. In a heartbeat, our time was up.

 I know it probably happened around the time she stopped taking naps. I don't remember her exact age, but I remember a bit of relief when we decided to drop her naps completely, because it was always such a battle to get her to sleep. We would rock and rock for what seemed like forever. And then, when I thought she was finally out, I would lay her down, and she would immediately wake back up, ready to go. I would be so frustrated. At the time, all I could think about was all the stuff I would now not get done because she wouldn't nap. And, all the "wasted" time I spent trying to rock her to sleep, when I could have been doing much more "important" things. Like laundry or some other mundane task.

Wasted time. I cringe now as I remember it. What I wouldn't do to just get back one more time of rocking her. All the laundry that could have waited while I spent quiet moments with my beloved child. The child that looks like me, acts like me. The one I love more than the stars in the sky. Wasted time...how stupid I was.

 I think that's the reason, now, why I'm so insistent on rocking Jacob to sleep for his naps. Although, many times, he isn't wholly on board with me. He would sometimes rather just lie down on his own. But, the regret I have with Sofia comes bubbling to the surface, so I get my way, and we sit and rock. I had made myself a promise when he was born, that I would enjoy the quiet moments and not wish these times away. Because the moments are all too brief. They pass by over time all too quickly. So, for the past two and half years, when I'm able to, we sit and we rock. I wrap my arms around my baby boy, rest my chin on his head, and breathe him in. And, when he is finally out, I rock a few more minutes, soaking up the time and branding the memory into my mind. Many times it brings tears to my eyes (such as now) because it is so precious and fleeting.

 One day, all too soon, Jacob will be too big or too old or both, and he won't want to rock with his Mommy anymore. My lap and my arms will be empty. I hope it comes much later than sooner, but like everything else in time, it is inevitable. I know that. I hate it, but I know it.

 So, for now, I treasure my time with my child. I soak it in. I wrap him up with both arms as a gift to myself, because it truly is. I will hang on for as long as I can. And, when it is time to let go, I will. Perhaps, not all that willingly, but I will. But, I do have now. I have the present. And for that I am thankful. I will use our quiet time together wisely and lovingly. Because, in those moments, time with my child is never ever wasted time.

"Do You Feel Like We Do?"

On my way to work today “Do You Feel Like We Do?” came on the radio. Every time I hear that song, I’m transported back to my childhood. Well, in all honesty, there are a lot of songs that do that. In most cases, kids listen to the kind of music their parents were listening to as they were growing. Because of the area that we live in, more often than not, it’s country. And, that’s cool. But, for me, it was rock music. When I was growing up, I heard a lot of it. At a very high decibel. My dad had a room dedicated in my parents’ basement for his stereo equipment, the “Stereo Room”. A Marantz receiver was the control deck to the turntable, reel-to-reel, tape player, two 4-foot tall tower speakers (I don’t remember the wattage, but it was a huge number for the time), and two smaller speakers perched on the taller ones. I’m not joking when I say that you could feel the bass on the second floor. You could probably hear it from down the road, but I never tested the theory. It’s a wonder none of us kids are hearing impaired. Even with as much patience as my dad does not have, he was always willing to share music with us. As long as we didn’t “fart around down there”, he would spend hours spinning records and loading the reel-to-reel. I remember distinctly a couple of times when I was pretty young, I would be listening to some 80’s schlock on Y-94, and he would say, “Turn that shit off. I’ll go play you some good music.” And, he didn’t disappoint. My dad had a chair directly in front of the turntable, with his albums lined up underneath. And, he had some great ones. In this room, I first heard The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, The Doors, The Who, Pink Floyd, all the great classic rock. Of course, it was just plain old rock ‘n roll in those days. I loved those albums. I could look at them for hours. Way back in the stone age of the 60’s and 70’s, album covers were as much an art piece as the music they contained inside. My favorites were the Stones’ albums. Some Girls, with the cut-out faces, and Sticky Fingers, with the real zipper on the jeans, (my sister and I would giggle about the guy in his underwear on the inside). They’re collector’s items today. We should have treated them better. And he had the requisites for any music fan: Woodstock, the album, Frampton Comes Alive, the Beatles (White Album), and so many others. The smell of the vinyl as you removed the album from its sleeve, the static as the needle hits the groove, the crackle of the scratches from too many album plays, all memories that I treasure. Then, the SOUND as the first song would begin to play. Dad would crank the volume, and you were instantly surrounded by the music. Pure heaven. To this day, I like to play music as loud as I heard it when I was growing up. My husband and kids are less appreciative than I was, so I usually only play it that loud when I’m in my car, alone ( props to the Bose in my car. It takes the abuse I shell out to it every day like a champ). But, I might be doing something right too. My daughter’s favorite song is “Heartbreaker”, from Led Zeppelin. And, I love that. The tradition must carry on. Sadly, the stereo room no longer serves the purpose of wrecking ear drums anymore. It’s a storage space, now. The turntable and reel-to-reel haven’t had any tunes played on them in years. I’m not even sure where my dad’s albums are. But, I do have the memories. And, those I’ll keep with me forever. Over the years my dad has given me a lot of things, but one of his greatest gifts is a love of music. And, in the grand scheme of things, it’s the one I treasure the most. Thank you, Dad. Rock on.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

It's one of my all-time favorite Beatles songs. I can't put into words the emotional effect the song has on me, but I'll leave it at this: it moves me.

About a year ago, I was reading Rolling Stone, and there was an article numbering the best moments of the Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies. One the top ones was when Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, Dhani Harrison and others covered "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" for the induction of George Harrison. What put this one to the top of the list was the guitar solo Prince performs during it.

I had to check this out since I've never really thought of Prince as a "guitarist". I was blown away, and all I could think was, "Holy Shit, the man can really play!".

So, since I just heard the original version of "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" on the radio, I thought I'd post this video.

You Can't Buy My Love

Since I've been listening to this cd too, I thought I'd post one of the songs from it. Actually, I've decided to post two videos, one being the official video and another being a live video.

Oh, Robert Plant. He's been described so many times and in so many ways, although "Golden God" seems to crop up the most. Although Jimmy Page is my favorite Led Zep alum (and my favorite musician overall, but that's neither here nor there right now), I do love Robert Plant's solo music. And, I really am enjoying his Band of Joy album. Anyone expecting Led Zeppelin might be in for a disappointment (much the same as his and Alison Krauss' Raising Sand from a couple of years ago). However, I love the muted beauty of the songs on the album. Some of them are kind of David Lynch-ie, and if you've seen his movies, you'll know what I mean. However, the whole album stands up as far as I'm concerned.

I saw him and Jimmy Page (swoon) in Fargo in the late 90's, but our seats were not great, and although I remember being at the concert and enjoying it, it doesn't stand out in my memory (I wasn't as into Zeppelin at the time as I am now; they were my boyfriend's band). Do I kick myself now for not paying more attention? You bet I do.

Anyhow in January, tickets went on sale for Robert Plant's show in the Cities in April. I hemmed and hawed about it for a couple of weeks trying to decide if I should go. After convincing myself I really needed to see him, and then convincing my husband of the same (he could care less), I decided to see what I could find for tickets, which turned out to be none. Sold out. Well almost, we could each still go but we wouldn't get to sit together. Not exactly ideal. Cue kicking myself again.

So, that's where I stand. I asked Lee if he would be willing to get tickets for the show at the Greek Theater in L.A., which would actually kill two birds with one stone, since I would love to see a show at the Greek. He declined however...unless we win the lottery in the very near future. I'm not going to hold my breath. So, for now I'll have to assuage myself with videos and pretend I'm there. A girl's gotta do, what a girl's gotta do.

Bereft of Inspiration

Winter leaves me so uninspired. Being trapped inside all of the time saps all my energy, creative and otherwise. And, living in a small town provides little in the way of entertainment, unless you like high school basketball (which I do) or going to the local bar (which really isn't feasible usually and not usually the best idea anyhow). So, I spend a lot of time at home when I'm not at work, watching t.v., reading, browsing the web. But, I'm beyond ready for winter to come to an end. I don't necessarily have cabin fever, just an itch for awakened plants, warm sunshine and fresh air. We got a small taste of it last week before Mother Nature came back from vacation and sourly ripped it away. Winter has returned, and it makes me none to happy. So I wait, impatiently, for above freezing temps to return and the blessing that is Spring.

To keep in touch with this blog more, I think what I may "try" to do is post a video of a song, that I've been listening to, every day (or more realistically, every few days). If you like it, great. If not, well, it's my blog. :) Of course, finding the video may prove to be more difficult than I anticipate. Oh well, I've got time on my hands.

Today's song: "Loving Cup" by the Rolling Stones from Exile on Main Street.

Why?

I really didn't know a lot about Saturday's tragedy in Arizona until today. I had heard different news reports about it, but I tend to tune out bad news until I feel I can handle reading or hearing about it. So, today, the consuming news on the Today show (my morning staple as I get ready for work) was dealing with the shootings this weekend.

A sidenote: It makes me incredibly sad that it seems all too much nowadays that these stories are becoming so common.

Anyhow, the main story, of course, was the current condition of Representative Giffords. For now the doctors remain cautiously optimistic, which is the best news they can give at this time.

But, the story that keeps sticking with me and brings me to tears concerns the little 9-year old girl that lost her life: Christina Green. She was born on September 11, 2001, so her all-too-short life has been bookended by tragedy. She was there because of her growing interest in politics, and she wanted to meet the U.S. Representative from her district. One of those cases of being in wrong place at the wrong time.

Whenever I hear tragic news stories involving children, I think about a parent's worst nightmare of having to lose a child. And, I immediately put myself in that place. When I think about losing Sofia, it scares me to the point of immobilizing terror. I can literally feel my heart catch, and the wind is completely knocked out of me. I don't know how you go on after something like that.

And, what was the point of all of this? Was it actually politically motivated? Is the suspect just crazy? From what I've read, there were numerous signs pointing to his instability. In the end, and for whatever reason, he did what he did. But, once again, you're left to ask why? And, there will never be a good enough answer.

Because there is no reason big enough in the world to take someone else's life. Not a one. Destroying someone's life, and then in turn the lives of their families and friends is heartless and unforgivable.

Forgive this rambling piece. My thoughts are everywhere concerning this, trying to make sense out of something that has no sense. The puzzle pieces never come together concerning tragedies like this.

Rest in peace to those who lost their lives. Hope and prayers to those who are still fighting for theirs. And, prayers to the families who lost loved ones. I wish there was more that could be given.

Winter Wonderland?

Ah, winter. As I watch the snow falling outside my window ever so nicely, I have visions such as these in my imagination:



Unfortunately I know the schizophrenia of North Dakota weather, so I know it will quickly turn to this:



and this:



Oodles of fun, no? Eh, no.

Remember Me...?

I used to write on this blog every once and a while. Well, it's been quite awhile now. I'm still here. My excuse, I guess, is that my company just recently went through a merger which has been stressful and time-consuming. In the process, my blogs took a bit of a backburner. I am going to write more often, I just don't know when. :)



Ah, sometimes it's so true. But, for the most part, I do enjoy my job. And, I really do like the people I work with. I'll get through this. I actually can already see the light on the other side. It's just really small right now. :) All in due time.

Thankful Thursday

I see that my last Thankful Thursday was the beginning of June. Oops. Summer has flown by, and I seem to have put this on the back burner. Didn't mean to... But, I'm here now to rectify the situation, for this week anyway. Ha.

What I'm thankful for this week:

1. A healthy, happy, beautiful 3-year old social butterfly. My daughter has her moments (she's 3 after all), but the rest of her moments totally outshine the no-so-great moments. Before I had her, I never thought I'd have kids. Now, I couldn't imagine life without her. Love you my sweet girl!!

2. My husband for buying me a new work car. It was very much needed and is very much appreciated. It's nice to drive down the road and not feel every bump jar your entire body.

3. Answered prayers. Two classmates (who also happen to be good friends) adopted a baby boy earlier this month. They've wanted to be parents for so long, and now they have been blessed with a perfect little boy. It is truly a testament for good things happening to good people. I am so happy for them!

4. Ambition. Mine comes in fits and spurts, but when I have it I can take on the world. When I don't, well no requests or dedications please.

5. Not drinking a lot of beer on softball nights. Two beers on a Wednesday night leads to a much happier and productive Thursday. I wish I was always that smart.

Thankful Thursday

What do you know, I forgot Thankful Thursday last week. And, the main reason being that I was hungover from softball the night before. And, after that first night of softball, I've decided I'm way too old to go out after the games. When did this happen? Live and learn, I guess. So here's this week's Thankfuls.

1. Remembering Thankful Thursday this week.

2. My new laptop. Being without internet at my house completely sucked. And, I love my new laptop and being able to look at the internet in my living room, thanks to...

3. Wireless internet. How did I ever function without this before?

4. Veteran's - living and deceased. This one should have been part of last week's Thankfuls because of Memorial Weekend, but since I forgot to do my list I'm including it now. Words cannot express the thanks we all should give for those who have fought to preserve our way of life. Thank you!!

5. Three-day weekends. Just amazing what that extra day can do for the spirit. And, when the holiday is a Monday, it's extra-great.

Thankful Thursday

Here are my 5 for this week!

1. My Grandma. She turned 101 yesterday, and although her memory isn't the greatest (but really, it's over a century old), she still has the piss and vinegar of a much younger person. I love her!



2. Sunshine. I know I've used this one before, but on days like today it's hard not to be thankful again. Loving it!



3. Lilacs. My favorite flower. Their scent is Spring, sunshine and happiness all wrapped in (at my house) a tiny lavender flower. I wished they lasted longer than the few weeks they're around.



4. Softball. Every year I dread the approaching season because that means I'll actually have to do a tiny bit of exercise. But with our first practice last night I remembered why I play every year. Friends, fun, and occasionally a beer or two. It's the sport of summer!



5. Spending time with old friends. This goes along with softball. Even though we may live in the same town, it seems that the only time I get to see some friends is during softball season. And, it's always a good time. Love ya Kel! Can't wait for more beer drinking, pickup rides in the bomber! :)

Shitlist

I apologize in advance, but according to the "rules", this had to be the title of this post.

The rules are....
1. Put your iTunes (or other Music Player) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS! Add some commentary if you’d like.

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?? With A Little Help From My Friends – Joe Cocker (yep)
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? Lake of Fire – Nirvana (depends on my mood)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? Moondance – Van Morrison (If only my s.o. was willing to dance)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE? Small Town – John Mellencamp (purpose, no – destiny, yes)
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? As Tears Go By – The Rolling Stones (ha, I am a bit emotional)
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Sorry You Asked? – Dwight Yoakam (Sometimes I truly am)
WHAT IS 2+2? Since I’ve Been Loving You – Jimmy Page & Robert Plant (huh?)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS? Everlong – Foo Fighters (We have been friends a long time)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Sweet Jane – Lou Reed (Sweet, sure – Jane, nope)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Babe I’m Gonna Leave You – Led Zeppelin (I don’t think I’m going anywhere)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Casey Jones – Grateful Dead (A cocaine-addicted, railroad engineer? Don’t think so.)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Move Over – Janis Joplin (He does hog the bed)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Light My Fire – The Doors (I’m not sure how I should interpret this)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Wild Horses – The Rolling Stones (Already married, this one never played but it would have been a good one)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Cry For The Bad Man – Lynyrd Skynyrd (Nope, don’t so much care for the bad people)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? Bring It On Home – Led Zeppelin (And, they should)
THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Time for Me to Fly – REO Speedwagon (I’d love to escape ND but don’t think it will be happening)
HOW WILL YOU DIE? I Don’t Know – The Replacements (true enough but not crazy about the ambiguity)
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? The Last Time – The Rolling Stones (Which last time? The last time I got drunk? Then yes I do)
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Gives You Hell – All-American Rejects (I do love a good come-uppance)
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? It’s Good to be King – Tom Petty (Not hardly)
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? Communication Breakdown – Led Zeppelin (We often times have one – still married)
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? Whole Lotta Love – Led Zeppelin (Actually pretty true)
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo – Rick Derringer (Awesome whatever it means)
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? Black Mountain Side – Led Zeppelin (Eh, no)
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? Feel Like Makin’ Love – Bad Company (Nope, don’t think so)
HOW AM I FEELING TODAY? Rough & Ready – Trace Adkins (Actually for a Monday, I am)
WILL I GET FAR IN LIFE? Night Flight – Led Zeppelin (Will I be taking this soon?)
HOW DO MY FRIENDS SEE ME? Used to Love Her – Guns N’ Roses (ouch)
WHAT IS MY BEST FRIEND’S THEME SONG? That’s the Way – Jimmy Page & Robert Plant (I don’t think she’d agree)
WHAT IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE? Dazed and Confused – Led Zeppelin (so true)
WHAT WAS HIGH SCHOOL LIKE? Sideways – Citizen Cope (uh huh)
HOW CAN I GET AHEAD IN LIFE? Love Street (Follow the path of peace and love, that’s me)
WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT ME? Boogie with Stu – Led Zeppelin (I don’t think my dancing is that great)
HOW IS TODAY GOING TO BE? Down on the Corner – CCR (wha?)
WHAT IS IN STORE FOR THIS WEEKEND? Go For A Soda – Kim Mitchell (probably at some point)
WHAT SONG DESCRIBES MY PARENTS? Bye Bye Blackbird – Joe Cocker (eh?)
TO DESCRIBE MY GRANDPARENTS? Bron-Y-Aur Stomp – Led Zeppelin (um, no)
HOW IS MY LIFE GOING? Burden in My Hand – Soundgarden (yep)
WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT MY FUNERAL? Travelin’ Man – Lynyrd Skynyrd (appropriate)
HOW DOES THE WORLD SEE ME? Lie to Me – Jonny Lang (I’m usually pretty honest)
WILL I HAVE A HAPPY LIFE? Celebration Day – Jimmy Page & The Black Crowes (I guess so :D)
WHAT DO MY FRIEND’S REALLY THINK OF ME? Four Sticks – Jimmy Page & Robert Plant (don’t get it)
DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER ME? Waiting for the Sun – The Doors (doesn’t exactly answer the ? I’ll interpret it as a no)
HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY? Small Town Saturday Night – Hal Ketchum (sooooo true!)
WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH MY LIFE? Little Ways – Dwight Yoakam (sure)
WILL I EVER HAVE CHILDREN? Couldn’t Get It Right – Climax Blues Band (bah, Sofia’s perfect)
WHAT IS SOME GOOD ADVICE FOR ME? Shine On You Crazy Diamond – Pink Floyd (Couldn’t agree more, it’s my motto)
HOW WILL I BE REMEMBERED? Straight On – Heart (I do try to tell it like it is, mostly)
WHAT IS MY SIGNATURE DANCING SONG? Long As I Can See the Light – CCR (I don’t think this song is “danceable”)
WHAT DO I THINK MY CURRENT THEME SONG IS? Young Lust – Pink Floyd (not hardly, I like the old dudes, unless I’m the “young”, then maybe)
WHAT DOES EVERYONE ELSE THINK MY CURRENT THEME SONG IS? Wonderful One – Jimmy Page & Robert Plant (how sweet!)
WHAT TYPE OF MEN/WOMEN DO YOU LIKE? Flowers on the Wall – Statler Brothers (well, maybe wallflowers – Lee is kinda quiet)
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Shitlist – L7 (well ok, that pretty much sums it up. I’m out)

Thankful Thursday

Ha! I did remember this time. After the long and emotional post below, this post is probably needed. So it goes...

1. As I stated before, I give thanks to Jim Morrison. Critics feel that he was self-destructive, quasi-mythical being too obsessed with his own image. Maybe. But, as I stated below, to me he was so much more. So critics be damned. Jim Morrison, you always have been and always will be my idol.



2. Sleep. It's been hard to come by this week. But, when I get a full night in, I truly am a different, better person. Without a proper amount, well let me just say, best keep your distance.



3. Coca-Cola. A near and dear friend. It's been with me through thick and thin. Can't say enough good about my favorite soda. And, I'm not talking diet either. No unleaded for me, thank you.



4. Thursdays themselves. Just because it's one day closer to Friday. Amen.



5. Fridays! I mean really, who doesn't love Fridays?

When You're Strange

Last night on PBS, they showed the documentary about The Doors, "When You're Strange", narrated by Johnny Depp. Don't know if you've heard of it, but I've been waiting quite a while to be able to see this.



Watching it last night and thinking about it today, I feel like I'm 15-years old again hearing Jim Morrison's voice for the first time. And, I cannot put into words how that feels and how much it means to me. It's an emotion that's indescribable. The best way I've ever known how to put it was like this: I just wanted to crawl into Jim Morrison's voice and hide. There was always a comfort and healing that I could find when I would hear him sing. His words always seemed to sum up the apartness from others I felt as a teenager. Like he understood. It was as if Jim Morrison's voice finally gave me my own.

Now, before you go thinking the worst, let me just tell you that I have a loving family, great parents, great sisters and brothers. I had friends who are still my friends, and I cherish their friendship deeply. I was never ostracized in any way in high school, actually the opposite. I was involved in many extra-curricular activities and could never really have been categorized as a loner. Very normal.

But, here's the thing: For me to be normal took a huge amount of effort. Now, that's not to say that others didn't find me a little weird or maybe a lot weird, they did. I just didn't let my total freak flag fly, as they say. I kept most of my far-out thoughts and ideas closely to myself. I couldn't be the true and real me. So, to make me feel better, I retreated to music, and the Doors were the perfect answer. Dark, moody, weird, far-out, everything their music has been described as summed me up perfectly. All you have to do is listen to "People Are Strange" and know that Jim Morrison felt alienated from others. And, so did I. We meshed perfectly.

And, for years the Doors and Jim Morrison were my solace and my world. I have books, posters, cd's and albums, shirts, hats, whatever you like that are a testament to that. If you wanted to know what I was like as a person, listen to their music because I wore my Doors affiliation like a badge of honor. One of my senior pictures is even Doors-themed. You get the drift.

Then, one day it changed. I'm sure it wasn't just a snap of the fingers, and boom, I'm normal. Because I'm just as strange as I always was. But now, I'm happier, more content with life, less angsty. I don't know if I just grew up or just had heard "Light My Fire" one too many times, but I didn't need Jim Morrison as much anymore. And that scared the hell out of me. Not only did I feel like a traitor to some sort of legacy, but I felt like a traitor to my younger self. Before if someone asked me who my favorite band was, who my idol was, I could answer without even taking a breath, The Doors - Jim Morrison. Now that wasn't the case anymore. I wasn't the "me" I had always known. And, it made me incredibly sad. I was leaving the past behind, and with it, Jim Morrison. Or, so I thought.

Last night reminded me that he's never far from my consciousness. Just watching him, hearing him speak, hearing him sing, listening to Johnny Depp speak about his meteoric rise, eventual fall and then his death just reiterated to me how much he is a part of me. I relived all the emotions I always had concerning his life and death. He was, is, and always will be a part of me.

Jim Morrison was so many things: singer, poet, alcoholic, icon, rebel, dangerous, sex symbol, etc. But, to me, he was and is so much more. And, for that I'm so grateful. A lot of him made me who I am today.

So thank you Jim Morrison, wherever you are.

When the Music's Over

I will the first to admit that I’m not exactly up on new music. I really don’t know who’s popular right now. Not that I care, but I figured I would get the confession off my chest right away. With that being said, I do subscribe to Rolling Stone, which does keep me in the loop…somewhat. I now know names, but not necessarily the music that goes along with them.

I maybe should leave well enough alone in that respect. But, enquiring minds want to know, right?

In just about every issue they mention this chick called Ke$ha (a $ sign? Really? Should have been my first clue). I guess her song Tik Toc (or Tic Tok, I really don’t give a shit) has been like THE track to hear. So because I’m naturally curious, I looked the video up on YouTube to see what all the fuss was about.

Now, really people… If this is the way music is trending, I think the apocalypse may be upon us. WHAT is this crap? Have I really gotten so old that I just don’t understand the attraction this song has for people? Have I been turned away from modern radio for so long that a generation of music has skipped me by, and along with it good taste?



Artists used to write songs concerning issues that were important to them. Love, heartbreak, death, destruction, war. You know, real issues. I have to say that writing a line about brushing your teeth with Jack Daniels is a far cry from the lines concerning the Kent State shootings in CSNY’s Ohio. But, even I will admit that if you are writing about boozy teeth brushing, you do have some issues. Serious issues.

I guess my biggest bitch lies with the record companies and the music press. They don’t sell music anymore. That takes a backseat to image. Image sells. And, that’s what gets crammed down our throats. And, it’s disgusting. What’s worse is that people lap this crap up like it’s the only thing they’re being offered. But, I have to say that even if someone offers you a shit sandwich, you don’t necessarily need to eat it. Food for thought, no pun intended.

But, I’ll step off my high horse. There are some things I listen to that aren’t exactly palatable to everyone. To each their own. Just because I think this song sucks does not make it so (even though in my own head, it does). So, take a listen, tell me what you think. I’m curious to know if I’m the only one who feels this way. I doubt it, but you just never know.

Until then, I think I’ll heal my ears with some Classic Vinyl on XM. I think I hear some old, forgotten song calling my name.

Thankful Thursday

Oh, I know myself too well. I completely forgot about Thankful Thursday. Now, if it had been Thirsty Thursday, that would have been a completely different story. As you can see, my priorities are a bit skewed. So, here are my five for a belated Thankful Thursday:

1. My Mom - in honor of Mother's Day weekend, I give thanks for the most important woman in my life. Love you Mom!


2. Sunny days - after the past week and half (or more) of cloudy, rainy days, I could use some sunshine. It's amazing what sun will do for the soul.


3. Coffee or instant cappuccino - since the weather has been so crappy lately, it's been pretty cold in my office. These drinks give me a bit of warmth in this deepfreeze.


4. Text messaging - I'm not much a phone-talker, but I love text messaging.


5. My iPod touch - this little gadget has saved me from Motley Crue on regular radio more times I can count, and for that there isn't enough thanks in the world.

Randoms

While reviewing my Top 25 Most Played Tracks on my iPod, I took note that only 2 of the 25 tracks were not Led Zeppelin songs. Hmmm. I know the first step is admitting you have a problem. But, what if you just don't give a shit? I happen to love my problem, especially the guy second from the right.



I would love to have a job or career that I love. Rock photo journalist, classic rock station dj, something. And, it would have to be a true classic rock station. I do not believe that Poison or Skid Row meet the merits of classic rock. To be frank, I don't believe they actually meet the merits of music, but that's just my own opinion. But, I do hope Bret Michaels does get better soon. There are so many cosmetically enhanced women that are just waiting to be his next rock of love.



Fridays. I have no ambition whatsoever. None.



There are days when I'm driving to work, and I see that open road ahead of me which makes me want to keep on driving until I get to the ocean.



Three Sheets is my new favorite television show. I think Zane may have one of the greatest jobs ever. To get to travel all over the world and drink as your career...totally awesome. But, some of the food he has to eat too...not so awesome.



I downloaded "Jolene (Live)" by the White Stripes the other day. Totally dig it, but I don't think my friend Jolene would appreciate it very much. :)



Speaking of the White Stripes: I love them. Jack White is (in my own esteemed opinion) a genius, and he appreciates the roots of music and builds from it. I wish more modern artists would look back to the foundations. Then perhaps, we wouldn't have the crap the music companies are putting out and forcing on us today. And no, Madonna does not qualify as a foundation for music. A foundation for poor taste? Maybe.



My new favorite band is the Black Keys. Bluesy, guitar-driven, garage rock. For only a two-piece band, they really pound out the music. I could sit and listen to them all day, preferably with a beer in hand, but I digress.

Thankful Thursday

Ok, I've never been one to get sappy publicly, but I thought I would try to start my own trend of Thankful Thursdays (not an original idea of mine by any means). I want to do this for myself to keep things in perspective. I have a tendency to see the glass as half-empty and carry a why-me attitude every now and then. So, by writing down things that I'm thankful for in my life, hopefully I can give my attitude an adjustment. Or not (see the pessimist?). But, it's giving it a shot and taking the first step that will put me on the path to eternal happiness...ok even I don't believe that. But, it is a start to a better me. Very self-help section. Anywho here goes:

My 5 things I'm thankful for today (and I decided to go with the obvious ones today since I'm a newbie):

1. My family.
2. My friends.
3. Music - I cannot express enough how important music is to my well-being. You know how it soothes even the most savage beast? Yeah, that's me.
4. My health.
5. My home.

There it is for today. Now, I will try to remember to do it next week. Perhaps I should put it on my calendar...