Bereft of Inspiration

Winter leaves me so uninspired. Being trapped inside all of the time saps all my energy, creative and otherwise. And, living in a small town provides little in the way of entertainment, unless you like high school basketball (which I do) or going to the local bar (which really isn't feasible usually and not usually the best idea anyhow). So, I spend a lot of time at home when I'm not at work, watching t.v., reading, browsing the web. But, I'm beyond ready for winter to come to an end. I don't necessarily have cabin fever, just an itch for awakened plants, warm sunshine and fresh air. We got a small taste of it last week before Mother Nature came back from vacation and sourly ripped it away. Winter has returned, and it makes me none to happy. So I wait, impatiently, for above freezing temps to return and the blessing that is Spring.

To keep in touch with this blog more, I think what I may "try" to do is post a video of a song, that I've been listening to, every day (or more realistically, every few days). If you like it, great. If not, well, it's my blog. :) Of course, finding the video may prove to be more difficult than I anticipate. Oh well, I've got time on my hands.

Today's song: "Loving Cup" by the Rolling Stones from Exile on Main Street.

Why?

I really didn't know a lot about Saturday's tragedy in Arizona until today. I had heard different news reports about it, but I tend to tune out bad news until I feel I can handle reading or hearing about it. So, today, the consuming news on the Today show (my morning staple as I get ready for work) was dealing with the shootings this weekend.

A sidenote: It makes me incredibly sad that it seems all too much nowadays that these stories are becoming so common.

Anyhow, the main story, of course, was the current condition of Representative Giffords. For now the doctors remain cautiously optimistic, which is the best news they can give at this time.

But, the story that keeps sticking with me and brings me to tears concerns the little 9-year old girl that lost her life: Christina Green. She was born on September 11, 2001, so her all-too-short life has been bookended by tragedy. She was there because of her growing interest in politics, and she wanted to meet the U.S. Representative from her district. One of those cases of being in wrong place at the wrong time.

Whenever I hear tragic news stories involving children, I think about a parent's worst nightmare of having to lose a child. And, I immediately put myself in that place. When I think about losing Sofia, it scares me to the point of immobilizing terror. I can literally feel my heart catch, and the wind is completely knocked out of me. I don't know how you go on after something like that.

And, what was the point of all of this? Was it actually politically motivated? Is the suspect just crazy? From what I've read, there were numerous signs pointing to his instability. In the end, and for whatever reason, he did what he did. But, once again, you're left to ask why? And, there will never be a good enough answer.

Because there is no reason big enough in the world to take someone else's life. Not a one. Destroying someone's life, and then in turn the lives of their families and friends is heartless and unforgivable.

Forgive this rambling piece. My thoughts are everywhere concerning this, trying to make sense out of something that has no sense. The puzzle pieces never come together concerning tragedies like this.

Rest in peace to those who lost their lives. Hope and prayers to those who are still fighting for theirs. And, prayers to the families who lost loved ones. I wish there was more that could be given.

Remember Me...?

I used to write on this blog every once and a while. Well, it's been quite awhile now. I'm still here. My excuse, I guess, is that my company just recently went through a merger which has been stressful and time-consuming. In the process, my blogs took a bit of a backburner. I am going to write more often, I just don't know when. :)



Ah, sometimes it's so true. But, for the most part, I do enjoy my job. And, I really do like the people I work with. I'll get through this. I actually can already see the light on the other side. It's just really small right now. :) All in due time.

Randoms

While reviewing my Top 25 Most Played Tracks on my iPod, I took note that only 2 of the 25 tracks were not Led Zeppelin songs. Hmmm. I know the first step is admitting you have a problem. But, what if you just don't give a shit? I happen to love my problem, especially the guy second from the right.



I would love to have a job or career that I love. Rock photo journalist, classic rock station dj, something. And, it would have to be a true classic rock station. I do not believe that Poison or Skid Row meet the merits of classic rock. To be frank, I don't believe they actually meet the merits of music, but that's just my own opinion. But, I do hope Bret Michaels does get better soon. There are so many cosmetically enhanced women that are just waiting to be his next rock of love.



Fridays. I have no ambition whatsoever. None.



There are days when I'm driving to work, and I see that open road ahead of me which makes me want to keep on driving until I get to the ocean.



Three Sheets is my new favorite television show. I think Zane may have one of the greatest jobs ever. To get to travel all over the world and drink as your career...totally awesome. But, some of the food he has to eat too...not so awesome.



I downloaded "Jolene (Live)" by the White Stripes the other day. Totally dig it, but I don't think my friend Jolene would appreciate it very much. :)



Speaking of the White Stripes: I love them. Jack White is (in my own esteemed opinion) a genius, and he appreciates the roots of music and builds from it. I wish more modern artists would look back to the foundations. Then perhaps, we wouldn't have the crap the music companies are putting out and forcing on us today. And no, Madonna does not qualify as a foundation for music. A foundation for poor taste? Maybe.



My new favorite band is the Black Keys. Bluesy, guitar-driven, garage rock. For only a two-piece band, they really pound out the music. I could sit and listen to them all day, preferably with a beer in hand, but I digress.

Where is My Mind?

I have the shortest attention span when it comes to certain things. Like just now, I am attempting to do something for work, but had a different window open on my computer. I needed to minimize it before continuing, but something caught my eye before I could. So then I start reading, flipping through different tabs. A few minutes go by before my brain reminds me that I had something more pressing to do before I got lost in cyberspace. Whoops!

I do that at home too. I'll be trying to accomplish something, walk into a different room to get something, something catches my eye, and soon I've completely thrown the original task to the wayside. After minutes or hours, I'll come upon the original task I started only to realize the day is too far gone to finish it. I shuffle the stuff off to the side to attack it again some other time.

I really don't think I have ADD, but sometimes....Oh, excuse me I got distracted. :)

Over the Hills and Far Away

I must have music playing while working. So, I have a classic rock radio station streaming online from my computer. Today, the song "Over the Hills and Far Away" by Led Zeppelin (in case you weren't sure) came on. It is, without a doubt, one of my favorite Zeppelin songs. Now, I probably hear that song every other day at work, but today I paused for a bit while it played. It was at the part when Jimmy Page's (love him so much) solo began. I can't describe the solo in words, but it instantly transported me back to when I was 15.

My cousin and I had just discovered classic rock and although I can't speak for her, my mind was blown away with all this "new" music I was hearing. Modern rock radio at that time had kind of turned to crap. I've mentioned before how much I hate hair metal. Well, we were in the midst of that, and I'd had enough. Nirvana hadn't become known in my dinky town yet, so I was at a particular musical juncture. Now, my dad loves music like I do, so I'd already been exposed to music from the 60's and 70's. I had lived and breathed The Doors for about a year and half, so I was stoked to find a radio station that played them...and so many others. It was revolutionary in my small-time existence. I was hooked.

Once particular band my cousin and I took to immediately was Led Zeppelin. "Good Times Bad Times", "Dancing Days", "Houses of the Holy", and "Over the Hills and Far Away" would be sung loudly while we cruised around town. I lived and breathed the lyrics, notes, and melodies.

"Over the Hills" holds a particular place in my heart though, because I have a couple of clear memories of that song playing when I was 15. When I hear it, I see myself in my adolescence so clearly, as if I'm truly reliving it. Driving somewhere with my boyfriend at the time, so happy to have a bit of freedom with him even if it only lasted for a couple of hours, and that song playing in the background. To me, it was heaven. Actually, when I think about it now, it still kind of is. Not that he has to be part of it here in the present; I'm long past such feelings for him. But, I feel driving around and listening to music is, to me, heaven on earth. There is really nothing that makes me feel more content.

But, hearing those songs for the first time was incredible. It was like someone had finally turned on a light to a path that I had to travel. And, I haven't looked back. I know I make classic rock sound mythical, but to me it is. It opened my eyes completely to how music should be. And, since I was experiencing new music and first love all at once, it was magical to me. The two are ingrained in my memories together completely. I hear these songs play, and I think back to how simple life was then. When all I pretty much existed for was a good tune, someone who I enjoyed spending time with, and maybe a few beers here and there. :) And, "Over the Hills" is a song that conveys those emotions I had perfectly.

I don't think I would ever want to be 15 again. But, every now and then I don't mind reliving and remembering just how carefree and crazy I was. It was beautiful, and I miss it sometimes. Thank god for the songs that can take me back, even if it is just only for a minute or two.

End Of The Night

Have you ever had the feeling that your thoughts are disjointed? That they feel like they don't even belong to you, they don't make sense, that they are pieces of a humongous jigsaw puzzle that can't be put together?

That's the way I've felt all day today. Like I have someone else's head on my shoulders, or something. I know the main reason I feel so out of sorts is because I haven't slept very well the last 2 nights. The reason I don't sleep: I cannot stop my mind.

My husband tells me how easy it is to fall asleep. You just do it.

Huh?

He will demonstrate for me like I don't understand the concept (which, truth be told, I don't). Close your eyes, then *snore*. Meanwhile, I listen to his snoring, going back in forth in my head about how he does this. Pretty soon my thoughts are pulsating in my mind, flashes of memories, snippets of songs, remembering tasks that will need to be completed the next day. All the while tossing and turning, trying to find exactly the right position to help me slip into unconsciousness. Nothing works.

Usually I'll fall asleep to the television. As long as I don't have to think and just watch, I'll fall asleep quite easily most of the time. But then there are nights like last night, where nothing can stop the churning of my mind. My body can feel so tired, like I can actually feel the weight of it pressing me down, but my mind races ahead, intent on solving some sort of riddle it will never find the answer to. Anxiousness begins to work its way in which starts my heart and adrenaline pumping (this doesn't help the problem at all, as you can imagine), and then the frustration begins.

I've tried relaxing exercises, different breathing techniques, sleep medication. Nothing works. Actually, in my world where nothing seems to fit right sometimes, sleep medication has the opposite effect on me. I feel more alert after I take it. It's maddening. I have found that Benadryl will do the job if I'm desperate. But, I feel so groggy the next day that it doesn't seem worth taking. I'm gonna feel groggy anyway without medication, so what's the point. It's a vicious cycle.

Then, once I do fall asleep, I begin to dream some of the weirdest dreams. And, I'm talking way out there strange. These are something even Stanley Kubrick wouldn't have been able to come up with on his best day. Sometimes they're funny, sometimes scary, but always downright bizarre. But, that's for a different posting.

So, I'm at an impasse. How do you turn off your mind? I wish there were some sort of switch that I could use. But, there isn't. I guess I'll do as I've always done and repeat the same pattern I always repeat. Hopefully someday my mind will slow down and let me rest. Until then, I guess I'll have to put up with the feeling of someone else's head on my shoulders.

No, that's not weird at all.